Life is still an emotional rollercoaster but I've managed to get through two whole days (not consecutively though) with my eyes only misting and not full on bawling. I've lost a couple of kilos but it is definitely fluid loss from all the tears.
Situations like this really make me wonder just how much of what goes on around me is true and how much is 'put-on' for the benefit of others and maniplulating what we believe.
Found this (sort of) humourous clip on You Tube (gotta find some way to divert my attention from my misery) which kind of supports my mind space atm
Initially, when this all happened, I had decided to defer the official start of my photography business but I've been given a great promotional opportunity at Paperific that has forced me to reevaluate and move at lightening speed into action or miss out. I offered the opportunity to them after an inspiring phone call from the lovely Raylene who did more than she will ever know to boost my confidence and make me realise that I don't have to actually become the 'reject' that I've been made to feel. Thanks Rayles.
Anyway, Stacey, from Paperific thought my offer was of mutual benefit so it's full steam ahead. Nothing like leaving everything until the last 2 weeks to push someone to the edge (or in my case, save someone from the edge).
While each day gets a little easier to manage, the evenings are still torture as this was when I spent most of my time with Alex. It is hard to get my head around the necessary change in my routine...and address. Alex and I are still talking and I don't know whether that makes it easier or harder. We were best friends beyond everything else so I've copped a double whammy. I thought that, maybe, we could remain friends as he wishes, but his trip home to Singapore (to face the music there) this weekend has revealed a whole other set of emotions and insecurities. While it is difficult to imagine my life without him in it - It is also difficult to imagine him in my life and not being allowed to love him...
I wish I knew the rules and that there were simple answers to my questions.
My kids have been amazing through this all. They are wonderful people and know how to get a smile out of their mum. I knew there was a reason I love them so dearly.
For those of you who are going to Paperific next weekend, I might see you there.
Pam, there is nothing better for a hurting soul than to get stuck into some work, have family close and to let the hurt start mending and to get on with life as best you can! Had to laugh when I saw the clip for You tube as Steve has only just started looking at it and is now addicted, wished I never showed him how to use it. The other night he sat for 4 hours looking at old clips and old TV shows..looks like I have to share my computer alittle more now!
take care and see you at Paperific:)
Posted by: Janine | October 06, 2007 at 01:44 PM
((Hugs))
Posted by: lisa | October 07, 2007 at 01:52 PM
Hugs to you Pam...it's good therapy to get into something else that you are passionate about. See you at Paperific on Friday!
Posted by: Cathy C | October 07, 2007 at 07:13 PM
I am so glad your kids have been able to help you thru this situation a little. That's great re your Photography website and Paperific! See you there. Until then, {{{hugs}}}
Jen H
Posted by: Jen H | October 07, 2007 at 07:30 PM
Go for it Pam! Your photos are great, and I am so sure that this will be a success for you! I am just sorry I won't be able to make it to paperific, but I wish you all the very very best with your new venture.
Posted by: soovee | October 08, 2007 at 10:23 PM
Excite to hear about Paperific - zou are verz talented and I am looking forward to following zour professional career. Wonät see zou at paperific but might have an English kezboard bz then and at least will be able to write to zou in a waz zou can understand+ Love and Hugs, Chel
Posted by: Chel | October 09, 2007 at 04:41 AM
That's great about Paperific. I will see you there. Lots of hugs to you. Judith
Posted by: Judith | October 09, 2007 at 09:48 PM
Hugs to you Pam I can't even beginn imagine what you are going through
Your stall at Paperific was awesome I hope it works out for you Your photos are amazing.It was lovely to see yu again too
Anyway popped over here to try and find you new site so I could promote it on my blog !!!
Trish
Posted by: Trish -Scrapanlia | October 15, 2007 at 08:42 PM
cheers, Big Ears. i'm glad i could help :D
Posted by: raylene | October 16, 2007 at 01:42 AM